15 Signs Of Passive-Aggressive Behavior With Examples

Backhanded compliments

These are comments that are subtle insults intended to put down the person being addressed without seeming mean-spirited. The comment and the tone may reflect that the person is being nice, but there is a covert insult in their statement.

Examples you hear can include:

• ‘You look so much nicer when you smile,’ which implies you do not look nice unless you are smiling.
• “Good for you for trying your best,” which may imply that while you may try hard, it is not good enough.
• “Your hair looks so much better now,” which implies previous hairstyles did not look good on you.

Sarcasm

Passive-aggressive individuals may use sarcasm to express negative feelings indirectly. This allows them to make hurtful comments while maintaining plausible deniability by claiming “It was just a joke” if confronted. Sarcasm becomes passive-aggressive when used to convey criticism or resentment without directly addressing the underlying issue.

Examples of passive-aggressive sarcasm include:

• Responding “Oh great, another tie” when receiving a gift, implying dissatisfaction without openly expressing it
• Saying “Nice of you to finally show up” to a late-arriving colleague, indirectly criticizing their tardiness
• Remarking “I’m sure you tried your best” after someone’s failure, subtly suggesting their effort was inadequate

In these cases, sarcasm serves as a vehicle for expressing negative emotions or judgments while avoiding direct confrontation or honest communication about the speaker’s true feelings.

Silent treatment

The silent treatment is simply not talking to someone who has upset you. People will use their silence to let others know they did something they do not agree with.

This is a way of refusing to verbally communicate why they feel hurt, leaving the other person to figure out why they are mad. This behavior withholds attention while avoiding direct conflict, which may be more uncomfortable for someone to deal with.

Silence can be read as passive-aggressive in certain contexts. For example, someone may refuse to respond during an argument.

This is known by relational psychologists as “Stonewalling” (Gottman, 2010).

Similarly, ignoring a question or simply never replying to a message. All in all, silence when a response is warranted is often considered passive aggression.

Evading issues

People who evade issues avoid addressing problems directly, often pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

This behavior stems from a reluctance to deal with emotions or confront difficult situations head-on. Instead of openly discussing concerns, they may deflect or minimize issues.

Examples of evading issues in a passive-aggressive manner include:

• Repeatedly saying “I’m fine” when clearly upset, forcing others to guess at the problem
• Changing the subject when an important topic is brought up, avoiding necessary discussions
• Giving vague or non-committal responses to direct questions, preventing resolution of conflicts

This evasion can lead to unresolved tensions and frustration in relationships, as important issues remain unaddressed and emotions unexpressed.

Withholding

Withholding includes holding back on privileges that would otherwise be normal as a way to punish another person.

For instance, a parent who usually makes breakfast for their child every day may not do this one day without giving a reason but suggest that the child make breakfast themselves that day.

Time, money, or any kind of behavior that is usually typical in a relationship can be withheld.

Indirect Refusal

Indirect refusal involves avoiding saying “no” directly while still failing to meet someone’s needs or requests.

This passive-aggressive tactic allows the person to avoid confrontation or the discomfort of refusing outright, while still not complying with the request.

Examples of indirect refusal include:

• Agreeing to a task but consistently “forgetting” to do it, effectively refusing without saying no
• Making excuses or creating obstacles that prevent completion of a promised favor
• Deliberately performing a task poorly to avoid being asked again in the future

This behavior can lead to frustration and confusion for the person making the request, as they may be unsure whether the task was genuinely forgotten or intentionally ignored.

It also allows the person refusing to maintain a facade of cooperation while actually resisting demands.

Moody behavior

While occasional moodiness is normal, consistently using sullen or irritable behavior to communicate dissatisfaction without addressing the underlying issue is a form of passive-aggression.

This tactic allows the person to express negative emotions indirectly while avoiding clear communication about their feelings.

Examples of passive-aggressive moody behavior include:

• Giving short, curt responses when upset, making it obvious something is wrong without discussing it
• Slamming doors or stomping around to show anger, rather than expressing it verbally
• Withdrawing emotionally and becoming distant to punish someone, without explaining why

This behavior often leaves others walking on eggshells, trying to guess what’s wrong.

It can create a tense atmosphere and hinder productive problem-solving in relationships.

Learned helplessness

In the context of passive-aggressive behavior, learned helplessness refers to feigning inability to perform tasks as a way of avoiding responsibilities or expressing resentment.

This tactic allows the individual to resist demands indirectly while maintaining an appearance of incompetence rather than defiance.

Examples of passive-aggressive learned helplessness include:

• Consistently “forgetting” how to use technology to avoid assisting with digital tasks
• Deliberately performing household chores poorly to avoid being asked to do them again
• Claiming inability to understand simple instructions as a way of refusing to complete a task

This behavior can be frustrating for others, as it’s often clear that the person is capable but choosing not to apply their skills.

It allows the passive-aggressive individual to avoid direct refusal while still resisting requests or expectations.

Making wistful comments

Wistful comments indirectly express desires or criticisms without taking responsibility for them.

This passive-aggressive tactic allows the speaker to voice dissatisfaction while avoiding direct requests or confrontations, often inducing guilt or discomfort in others.

Examples:

• “I wish I could afford a house like yours, but I don’t earn as much as you.” (Implies criticism of the listener’s wealth or spending habits)
• “It must be nice to have time for hobbies. Some of us have to work all the time.” (Indirectly criticizes the listener’s work ethic or time management)
• “If only I had your confidence, I could speak up in meetings too.” (Subtly implies the listener is overconfident or domineering)

Patronizing language

Using unnecessarily simple language or condescending tones to undermine someone’s intelligence or competence.

This passive-aggressive behavior allows the speaker to assert superiority while maintaining a facade of helpfulness.

Examples:

• Explaining basic concepts with excessive detail to an experienced colleague (Implying incompetence)
• Using pet names or diminutives in professional settings (Undermining authority or status)
• Repeatedly asking, “Do you understand?” after simple explanations (Suggesting intellectual inferiority)

Procrastination/not finishing tasks

Deliberately delaying or leaving tasks incomplete as a way to express anger or resistance.

This passive-aggressive behavior allows individuals to avoid direct confrontation while still showing their dissatisfaction or unwillingness to comply.

Examples:

• Consistently putting off agreed-upon favors (Indirectly expressing unwillingness to help)
• Starting projects but never quite finishing them (Showing resistance to authority or expectations)
• Backing out of commitments at the last minute (Indirectly expressing resentment or unwillingness)

Lateness

Generally, being late is not passive-aggressive and may not always be purposeful, but lateness can be used as a weapon.

Someone can be intentionally late to punish someone else who annoyed them. 

This passive-aggressive behavior allows individuals to inconvenience others or assert dominance without directly confronting issues.

Examples:

• Consistently arriving late to meetings with a specific person (Showing disrespect or resentment)
• Showing up late to events without apology or concern (Demonstrating a lack of consideration)
• Delaying responses to messages from someone they’re upset with (Indirectly expressing anger)

Exclusion

Using exclusion and isolating others can also be used as a way to show annoyance or hurt indirectly.

Social exclusion can involve having a party and inviting everyone except the targeted person.

Professional exclusion can include leaving someone out of a meeting or out of the loop on a deadline change.

Making Excuses

Sometimes, passive-aggression can be manifested in creating excuses for not doing something rather than directly stating the frustrations they have.

For example, someone may regularly claim that they are sick, or have a headache, in a way that interferes with responsibilities because they do not want to fulfill them for an unspecified reason rather than stating the reason directly.

Ghosting

Suddenly cutting off communication without explanation, often used to avoid confrontation or express dissatisfaction indirectly.

This passive-aggressive behavior allows individuals to end relationships or express anger without having to face the other person’s reactions.

Examples:

• Abruptly stopping all contact after a date (Avoiding direct rejection)
• Ignoring messages from a friend after a minor disagreement (Expressing anger without confrontation)
• Disappearing from a project without explanation (Indirectly expressing dissatisfaction with the work)