I was (ok, maybe still am) slightly obsessed with Tupperware. I was probably the only college freshman who moved into Clark Halls with my tupperware plates, matching microwaveable bowls and two matching cups in tow. I won’t try to convince you, but having good tupperware in a variety of shapes and sizes really has a plethora of benefits- ya know, storing leftovers from dinner, making a salad for work, keeping already cut veggies fresh, or crackers from going stale and I could go on. (Never mind the fact, that I have never actually purchased a single tupperware item in my entire life- thanks to my mom’s generous donations, I get all of her old tupperware instead)
Tonight I put my tupperware to a new use- a portable wine glass.
Now, I am not normally in the habit of sipping red wine out of yellow tupperware cups but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Sometimes I go through life busy and distracted. There are so many good things happening and so many more things to-do and in the process I sometimes neglect my feelings. I mean I know I have them (feelings, that is) but all too often I don’t really know exactly what I am feeling. But when life slows down a bit, and I stop and listen, I can usually recognize the mysterious feeling that has been gnawing at my heart.
And tonight I felt lonely.
I know loneliness is a universal, human emotion, but it feels humbling and a bit vulnerable to admit it. The horrible thing about feeling lonely is that it slowly starts to eat a hole in your heart so it doesn’t matter exactly what you do or even who you are with, everything starts to feel a bit like something is missing. It’s kinda like taking a bite of a chocolate chip cookie, but discovering that someone took out all of the chocolate chips. Just plain, blah, cookie. I think that’s what loneliness can make life feel like- just plain, blah, life.
In my attempt to fight the loneliness and ignore the small hole encroaching upon my heart, I decided that I would take myself to my favorite park, throw down my picnic blanket and enjoy my cheese and crackers with my tupperware filled wine cup in hand. But it wasn’t working. I sat there overlooking the blue pacific, as the sun was setting behind the trees and sighed. I gave in. Maybe it was just going to be a lonely Sunday night.
David Wilcox, one of my favorite singer/song writers, wrote a song that I have listened to countless times on nights like tonight. Sometimes music has this beautiful way of bringing my heart and mind together and naming what I can’t quite name for myself yet.
When I get lonely ah, that’s only a sign
Some room is empty, and that room is there by design
If I feel hollow – that’s just my proof that there’s more
For me to follow – that’s what the lonely is for
So maybe it’s ok to have some nights where you feel lonely. And maybe its ok to drink red wine from tupperware cups, too.