It’s natural to feel hurt and frustrated if someone has ghosted you, but seeking revenge or trying to make someone regret their actions isn’t the healthiest or most productive approach.
Instead, you should focus on your own healing and growth. Closure comes from within, through understanding your emotions and finding peace with the situation, not from external validation or retribution.
Even if you succeed in making someone regret their actions temporarily, the satisfaction you gain is likely to be short-lived. Seeking revenge won’t address the underlying pain or contribute to your long-term well-being.
Additionally, engaging in revengeful actions can actually hurt you more as it can damage your reputation, erode your self-esteem, and keep you in a negative headspace.
The best “revenge” is choosing to focus on your own well-being, personal growth, and happiness. By channeling your energy toward positive actions, you will be able to take control of your life and build a brighter future.
Instead of focusing on making someone regret their choices, consider these more constructive steps:
Avoid Contact
If you have been ghosted, you have probably tried to contact that person already – maybe even several times – but without receiving any response.
Contacting someone persistently will likely not increase the chances of them replying. It will only lead to further hurt and disappointment.
By choosing to avoid contact, you’re preserving your dignity and showing self-respect.
Giving yourself distance from the person who ghosted you allows you to process your emotions without the constant reminder of their absence.
You should also consider unfollowing or muting them on social media. This can help create a healthier mental space for you to heal.
Don’t Try to Get Their Attention
If you follow each other on social media, you might feel tempted to post pictures and stories of yourself to get their attention.
You might think they will notice you and react to your post, or you might think they will want you back once they see how happy you are without them.
However, trying to get their attention in this way will only lead to disappointment and frustration if they don’t respond as you hoped.
Additionally, relying on external validation, especially from someone who has already hurt you, isn’t a healthy approach as it will likely only exacerbate your pain and damage your self-esteem.
Your well-being and self-worth should not be determined by someone else’s actions or attention.
Focus on Personal Growth
Use this period as an opportunity for self-improvement and personal growth.
Focus on yourself, your strengths, your positive qualities, and the people who love you. Set goals that excite you, whether they’re related to your career, hobbies, or fitness.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, reading, spending time in nature, or enjoying a favorite hobby.
Channeling your energy into growth will help you focus on yourself and your well-being, prevent you from dwelling on negative thoughts, and give you a sense of accomplishment.
Seek Genuine Connection
Seek out the people in your life who love and support you.
Also, consider expanding your social circle to help you see that there are others who value and appreciate your company. Engage in social events, join clubs or groups, and focus on forming new connections.
If the ghosting experience is affecting your mental health significantly, don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to cope and heal.
Let Go of Resentment
Seeking revenge rarely brings lasting satisfaction and can perpetuate negative emotions. It can make you feel desperate, frustrated, rejected, and hopeless.
Instead, focusing on your own well-being and moving forward positively are more constructive approaches.
Try to let go of any resentment you hold as these negative emotions can hinder your healing process. Forgiving the person who ghosted you doesn’t mean you’re excusing their behavior; it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of anger and resentment.
Personal Accounts
Holmes (2022) conducted a qualitative analysis of young adults’ stories of being ghosted. Here are some accounts of participants who described how they began to heal:
“I definitely leaned more into the narrative of clearly this person doesn’t treat other people well enough to be straight up about their interest level. So that was a good rationalization for not being interested in them either. Basically, if you’re not even willing to tell me you’re not interested, you’re probably not a good match for me.”
“I think the biggest thing to remember,” Elizabeth said, “is it’s not your fault…I feel like it’s so easy to say ‘I’m not cool enough or pretty enough or fun enough’ or whatever the not enough of something is. It’s not really ever you.”
“As I talked about it with friends and with my therapist,” Claire revealed, “I realized that I didn’t do anything wrong. I did everything right. I was honest in the beginning, saying what I wanted and what I expected.”
These personal accounts show that being ghosted is not a reflection of your worth or character. There can be various reasons why someone chooses to ghost, and most of them are not directly related to anything you’ve done or who you are as a person.
Spending time and energy trying to make someone regret ghosting you will rarely bring true satisfaction or closure. It’s better to rise above negativity and focus on your own healing and happiness.
Do Ghosters Ever Regret Ghosting?
Some people who have ghosted others may eventually regret their actions.
As people mature and gain life experience, they might reflect on their actions and realize that they hurt the other person by ghosting. This empathy and self-reflection can lead to feelings of regret.
They may not necessarily regret losing the person they have ghosted, but rather how they handled the relationship.
One survey conducted by the dating app Badoo revealed a rise in the ‘Guilty-Ghoster.’ The survey found that nearly half of the respondents who had ghosted someone regretted doing so. Some respondents said their regret came from feeling guilty, while others said they worried about having hurt the other person’s feelings.
Many respondents admitted that although ghosting was the wrong way to handle the situation, it felt easier than having an awkward, difficult conversation.
In some cases, people might regret ghosting someone because they come to realize the value of the connection they had or because they have undergone personal growth that has changed their perspective on relationships.
With age and life experiences, people often gain a better understanding of what they truly want in a relationship. As such, many ghosters may not feel regretful about their ghosting behavior until months or even years later.
Signs That a Ghoster Regrets Ghosting You
While there’s no foolproof way to determine if a person who ghosted you regrets their actions, there are some signs that might indicate they are reconsidering their decision or feeling regretful.
Most obviously, if the person who ghosted you reaches out first, it might indicate that they’re interested in reconnecting or addressing the situation.
However, pay close attention to the content and context of their communication – their reasons for reaching out might not be genuine or sincere.
If they truly regret ghosting you and feel guilty about the way they behaved, they will acknowledge that what they did was wrong, apologize for their past behavior, and validate how it made you feel.
Here are a few other potential signs:
- They openly acknowledge that they made a mistake and express genuine remorse
- They ask about your life, well-being, or current activities
- They do not blame you or try to turn things around on you
- They reflect a newfound commitment to healthier communication and relationships
- Moving forward, they consistently put effort into maintaining communication and showing interest
- They invest time in rebuilding trust, re-establishing communication, and addressing any concerns you have
Remember that while these signs can be hopeful, they don’t guarantee that the person truly regrets ghosting or is ready for a committed relationship.
Trust your instincts and take the time you need to assess the situation and their intentions.
FAQs
Does Ghosting Hurt the Ghoster?
Ghosting can hurt the person who ghosted, as well. They might reflect on the pain they caused and start feeling guilty or regretful about how they handled the situation.
Choosing to avoid a difficult conversation can lead to internal conflict, and they might grapple with feelings of discomfort, knowing they didn’t handle the situation in a mature or respectful way.
Ghosting also prevents the ghoster from engaging in open communication and conflict resolution which are important life skills for personal growth and healthier relationships.
Do Ghosters Usually Come Back?
Whether ghosters come back or not varies greatly depending on the individual, their reasons for ghosting, and their personal growth over time.
However, most of the time, ghosters do not come back as they might have moved on or have no intention of re-establishing contact.
Some ghosters might reach out later, either due to feelings of regret, personal growth, or a change in circumstances. They might want to reconnect for various reasons, such as a desire to apologize, a newfound interest, or genuine remorse.
But be careful of any mixed intentions as their desire to reconnect may be driven by loneliness, boredom, or curiosity.
It’s important to approach any situation involving a person who ghosted you with caution and self-awareness.
Should I Seek Closure From a Ghoster?
Seeking closure from a ghoster can be a valid choice if it’s done with the intention of gaining clarity, understanding, and emotional resolution.
However, it’s important to carefully consider your own emotional well-being and approach the situation thoughtfully.
Understand your goals in seeking closure. Are you looking for answers, understanding, or simply to express your feelings?
Seeking closure can help you understand why the ghosting happened, which might provide a sense of closure and help you move forward. Getting answers or explanations can also provide validation for your feelings and experiences.
However, you should proceed with caution. Be prepared for any type of response, including defensiveness, avoidance, or honesty. Their response might not always align with your expectations.
Sources
- Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2019). Ghosting and destiny: Implicit theories of relationships predict beliefs about ghosting. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(3), 905–924.
- Holmes, K. (2022). “Something Would’ve Been Better Than Nothing”: An Analysis of Young Adults’ Stories of Being Ghosted.
- Powell, D. N., Freedman, G., Williams, K. D., Le, B., & Green, H. (2021). A multi-study examination of attachment and implicit theories of relationships in ghosting experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(7), 2225–2248.
- Thomas, J. O., & Dubar, R. T. (2021). Disappearing in the age of hypervisibility: Definition, context, and perceived psychological consequences of social media ghosting. Psychology of Popular Media, 10(3), 291–302.
Julia Simkus edited this article.
