Ghosting refers to the act of abruptly cutting off all communication with someone without any explanation or warning.
Individual feelings and reactions can vary widely after ghosting someone based on a number of factors, including the person’s personality, the nature of the relationship, their reasons for ghosting, and their overall emotional state.
People have their own unique emotional responses, so while some might feel guilty, anxious, or regretful, others might not experience those emotions to the same degree or at all.
1. Guilt, Shame, and Remorse
Many people who have ghosted someone may feel a sense of guilt, shame, or remorse for abruptly ending a relationship without explanation.
People who engage in ghosting often do so because they feel a strong need to avoid confrontation, uncomfortable conversations, or potential conflicts. This desire to avoid these difficult interactions can sometimes lead them to cut off communication abruptly, even though they might not intend to cause suffering to the other person.
Upon reflection, they might recognize that their actions have hurt the other persons and imagine how their sudden disappearance and lack of closure affected them emotionally.
They may feel guilty, anxious, and ashamed for cutting off contact with another person so abruptly and might come to regret their decision as they understand that their actions prevented the opportunity for closure or honest communication.
“Because you’re basically just leaving someone on the-on the edge of the cliff…the other person deserves to know why you’re choosing to cut them off out of your life…if you don’t then the other person is just going to keep wondering their whole life like, ‘What did I do wrong, is something wrong with me?’ And the other person will be afraid to let another person in their life because they’re afraid that-that will happen again.”
However, despite feeling these emotions, many ghosters might still find it difficult to initiate contact and provide an explanation or closure.
The fear of potential conflict, negative reactions, or having to confront their own reasons for ghosting can contribute to their inability to respond. This is particularly true for those with people-pleasing tendencies or avoidant attachment styles.
On the other hand, some ghosters may develop a sense of empathy as they reflect on how their actions affected the other person. This empathy might lead them to apologize or attempt to make amends.
2. Relief
In many cases, a ghoster might feel relief from avoiding a difficult conversation or uncomfortable confrontation. Ghosting can provide individuals with a temporary sense of escaping responsibility as they don’t have to explain their reasons or face potential pushback for leaving a relationship.
In circumstances where someone is in an abusive or toxic relationship, choosing to end the relationship through ghosting can also lead to feelings of relief and liberation.
Ghosting can provide a way to immediately remove themselves from the harmful situation without having to engage in a potentially dangerous confrontation.
By abruptly ending communication, a person can create an immediate emotional distance from the situation (whether abusive or not). This emotional disconnect might lead to a sense of relief, especially if they were feeling overwhelmed, pressured, or unhappy in the relationship.
3. Pride, Satisfaction, and Triumph
Some individuals, specifically those with narcissistic tendencies, may experience a sense of pride, satisfaction, and triumph after ghosting.
Ghosting can be a power-play as people might feel empowered by making the decision to end communication on their terms.
People might feel a sense of satisfaction and pride from asserting their independence and autonomy.
Similar to what was mentioned earlier, if the relationship was toxic, abusive, or simply not working, the act of ghosting might lead to feelings of relief, pride, and satisfaction as it can be seen as a way of prioritizing one’s own well-being and breaking free from someone’s influence or control.
4. Lack of Emotion
Some individuals might experience emotional detachment after ghosting.
These people might naturally have a greater emotional distance in their interactions, so for them, ending a relationship might not trigger intense feelings.
Additionally, if the person initiating the ghosting didn’t feel a deep emotional investment in the specific relationship or friendship, they might not experience strong emotions after ending it abruptly.
Some ghosters might also rationalize their behavior by convincing themselves that ghosting was the best option or that the relationship wasn’t significant enough to warrant strong emotions.
Long-term Repercussions of Ghosting for the Ghoster
Ghosting can have various long-term repercussions for the person who initiates it.
- In the short-term, some individuals might not experience any strong emotions after ghosting, while others might experience a range of emotions, such as guilt, remorse, anxiety, or relief.
- In the longer-term, the ghoster might miss out on personal growth and learning experiences that come from navigating challenging situations.
Ghosting often reflects a lack of emotional maturity and the inability to navigate complex emotions and challenging conversations.
People who resort to ghosting might not have developed the necessary skills to communicate openly, honestly, and empathetically in relationships.
Instead of facing difficult emotions and addressing issues head-on, they choose to avoid the discomfort by cutting off communication abruptly. This avoidance can affect future relationships and interactions both personally and professionally.
If the ghoster doesn’t address the underlying reasons for their behavior, they might continue the pattern of ghosting in the future.
This habitual ghosting might contribute to emotional detachment or numbness, making it difficult for the ghoster to form deep connections or engage in meaningful relationships.
Emotional numbness can also make it difficult for the ghoster to fully empathize with others’ feelings. This can lead to future isolation, as friends and acquaintances might distance themselves due to concerns about reliability, emotional maturity, and trustworthiness.
However, it’s worth noting that some ghosters experience personal growth and reflection over time. They might come to understand the impact of their actions, seek to improve their communication skills, and make amends with those they’ve ghosted.
How Does It Feel to Be Ghosted?
Being ghosted can be an emotionally challenging and distressing experience.
One of the most immediate emotions people experience is confusion. The sudden lack of communication and unanswered messages can leave them wondering what happened and why the person they were connecting with suddenly disappeared.
Ghosting can also lead to feelings of hurt and rejection. The abrupt end of communication can make the person feel as though they were not valued or respected enough for the other person to provide an explanation.
Not knowing whether the person is okay, whether the relationship is truly over, or if they did something wrong can also create a sense of anxiety and self-doubt.
They might doubt themselves, analyze previous interactions, or question their own worth. The person might long for an explanation or a conversation to gain a better understanding of what happened.
Repeated experiences of being ghosted can negatively impact self-esteem and sense of trust, making it harder for the person to open up to new connections.
FAQs
Do Ghosters Always Want the Person They Ghosted Back?
No, ghosters do not always want the person they ghosted back. Although, sometimes they do.
In most cases, people ghost because they are not interested in continuing the relationship and have no intention of getting back together. They might choose to disappear to avoid uncomfortable conversations or confrontation.
In some cases, a person might ghost as a way to create space or take a break from the relationship. They might need time to sort out their feelings or personal matters before deciding whether they want to reconnect.
On the other hand, ghosters might experience regret or miss the person they ghosted after some time. They might want to reconnect and make amends.
It’s important to remember that the motivations and feelings of ghosters can be complex and individual, so make sure you prioritize your own well-being and focus on understanding your feelings and needs rather than speculating about the intentions of the person who ghosted you.
What Does a Narcissist Ghoster Feel When They Ghost Someone?
Narcissists often have distinct behavioral patterns, and their motivations for ghosting might differ from those of individuals without narcissistic tendencies.
Highly narcissistic individuals are self-absorbed, manipulative, and entitled. They value having control over situations and relationships.
Thus, ghosting can provide them with a sense of triumph, satisfaction, and control by allowing them to dictate the terms of the relationship’s end without any input from the other person.
Narcissists typically have a limited capacity for empathy, so they might not fully understand or care about the emotional impact of their actions on the person they’re ghosting.
They also might enjoy the sense of power they get from leaving someone in a state of confusion and distress.
How Can You Make a Ghoster Regret Ghosting You?
While it’s understandable to feel hurt and frustrated after being ghosted, seeking revenge or trying to make a ghoster regret their actions is generally not a healthy or productive approach.
Instead of focusing on trying to make someone else feel regret, consider these healthier alternatives:
1. Avoid acting desperate or begging them to come back after they’ve ghosted you.
2. If the ghoster tries to re-enter your life, consider setting clear boundaries and communicating your expectations for respectful behavior.
3. Shift your focus from the ghoster to yourself. Invest your time and energy in activities that make you feel good and promote your well-being.
Although you may feel like you want closure, you should understand that closure doesn’t always come from external sources.
You can find closure by reflecting on the situation, acknowledging your feelings, and moving forward with your own growth.
Why Do People Ghost?
People engage in ghosting for various reasons, often driven by a combination of personal circumstances, emotions, and communication styles.
Some of the most common reasons why people might choose to ghost include:
1. Conflict avoidance
2. Lack of emotional maturity
3. Fear of rejection
4. Loss of interest
5. Power dynamics
6. Personal insecurities
10. Manipulation
Sources
- Freedman, G., Powell, D. N., Le, B., & Williams, K. D. (2022). Emotional experiences of ghosting. The Journal of social psychology, 1-20.
- Powell, D. N., Freedman, G., Williams, K. D., Le, B., & Green, H. (2021). A multi-study examination of attachment and implicit theories of relationships in ghosting experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(7), 2225-2248.
- Timmermans, E., Hermans, A. M., & Opree, S. J. (2021). Gone with the wind: Exploring mobile daters’ ghosting experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(2), 783-801.
- Thomas, J. O., & Dubar, R. T. (2021). Disappearing in the age of hypervisibility: Definition, context, and perceived psychological consequences of social media ghosting. Psychology of Popular Media, 10(3), 291.
- Wu, K., & Bamishigbin, O. (2023). When silence speaks louder than words: Exploring the experiences and attitudes of ghosters. Personal Relationships, 30(4), 1358-1382.
Julia Simkus edited this article.
