Healing from narcissistic abuse is a challenging process that requires time and patience. Initially, the indications of progress might be subtle, but over time, you will begin to notice a shift in the way you feel, think, and behave.
You may move through various stages such as grief, anger, emotional detachment, periods where you feel like you’re improving, and then moments of relapse into depression. This can be confusing and at times might feel like you are regressing rather than improving.
Narcissistic abuse represents a particularly insidious type of maltreatment. While many associate abuse with physical violence, narcissistic abuse often operates in more covert ways. Narcissists thrive on subtlety and manipulation tactics like gaslighting, blame-shifting, and erratic behavior, making it challenging to recognize and address.
Victims of this abuse might be led to believe they are to blame. Even after the relationship ends, they might still long for their abuser and question the validity of the abuse they experienced. This type of confusion is a common aftermath of narcissistic abuse due to its perplexing nature.
The relentless assault on one’s perception of reality and self-worth can significantly impede the healing process.
Therefore, it’s important to observe and acknowledge even the smallest changes and signals of healing as recognizing these signs can instill hope and provide assurance that recovery is indeed possible.
Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is pivotal in understanding the healing process. Here is a brief overview of some key indicators of narcissistic abuse:
Emotional Signs
After experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s common to grapple with difficult emotions like sadness and anger. It is also common to feel emotionally numb and empty.
Many survivors encounter post-traumatic symptoms, including flashbacks, nightmares, hyper-vigilance, dissociation, and sleep disturbances.
A strong desire to avoid mental, emotional, and physical triggers that remind you of the abuser and the past relationship is normal.
Cognitive Signs
Confusion, brain fog, and memory loss are common. The abuse can also make you feel you emotionally detached or numb as a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma.
You may also struggle with forming a strong sense of self, as the abuser may have eroded your self-confidence and self-worth.
Physical Symptoms
The chronic stress stemming from narcissistic abuse can significantly impact your physical health.
You may experience aches, stiffness, gastrointestinal problems, breathing difficulties, rapid heartbeat, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, among others.
Trauma Bonding
It’s common for victims of narcissistic abuse to form an attachment to their abuser. Memories of the positive experiences and small moments of kindness may lead to missing them, questioning the severity of the abuse, and overlooking the pain and suffering inflicted.
Denial
Following a traumatic experience, denial often becomes a coping mechanism to shield oneself from the full impact of the abuse. It’s possible to deny the pain inflicted or minimize your own suffering.
Loss of Boundaries
Narcissists tend to break down their victim’s boundaries, enabling further manipulation and exploitation.
This can lead to confusion about one’s sense of identity and make it challenging to set or maintain boundaries in future relationships.
Trust Issues
Abusive relationships can severely impact your ability to trust other people and yourself. You may develop mistrust towards others, feel apprehensive about forming new relationships, and struggle to trust others’ intentions.
Stages of Recovery
Recovery from narcissistic abuse involves navigating through multiple stages – it’s far from a straightforward journey. However, recognizing this can offer solace by diminishing the impact of the inevitable setbacks and hurdles.
There will be moments of hope and resilience followed by sudden waves of anger and despair – this fluctuation is normal. Practice self-compassion, exercise patience, and approach each day as it comes.
Healing from such a traumatic experience can span months or even years. While the memories may remain, you will gradually learn to cope and flourish despite them.
Denial
Denial is a common response to abuse and trauma. It can manifest in various ways: denying the severity of the abuse, excusing the abuser’s behavior, or even downplaying your own suffering.
A pivotal step toward healing is confronting the truth. Facing the reality of your past relationship and its impact is a significant stride on the path to recovery.
Anger
Feeling anger towards the abuser, their actions, and even yourself is a natural response. Acknowledging these emotions, which can be uncomfortable and painful, is essential.
Instead of suppressing anger, channel it constructively—write, exercise, or find outlets that release and empower you.
Symptoms of Depression
While anger might seem more empowering and allow us to feel in control, sadness and hopelessness are equally valid emotions.
Allow yourself to grieve and cry when necessary. Express these feelings through writing or confiding in trusted friends and family. Seeking professional help from a therapist or psychologist can also be immensely beneficial.
Acceptance
In time, acceptance will become possible. Accepting that someone you loved and trusted exploited and hurt you isn’t an easy truth.
Recognizing that this wasn’t due to any fault of yours but a result of manipulation is a significant step forward.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a crucial aspect of the healing journey – both forgiving yourself and releasing feelings of responsibility, guilt, and shame.
Remember, abuse is never the victim’s fault, despite societal misconceptions and what the abuser may want you to believe.
Forgiveness involves self-compassion, acknowledging the truth about the relationship, and freeing yourself from the past.
Hope
It’s common to lose hope after an abusive relationship with a narcissist as the abuser likely stripped you of your sense of confidence, self-worth, and direction.
Yet, as you begin to glimpse hope for a better future and regain a sense of possibility, you’re progressing along the road to recovery.
Rebuilding Your Life
The journey to rebuild your life commences the moment the abusive relationship ends. Initially, it might not feel like a fresh start, but the pain and sorrow are integral emotions to forging a new path.
At first, focus on finding the stability you need to begin anew—take the time necessary for this crucial step.
Each experience you have lived through allows you to connect more deeply with your inner self, allowing for a deeper understanding of your desires and boundaries.
Over time, these experiences can strengthen your determination and provide the building blocks for a strong foundation upon which to build your new life.
The process of rebuilding can begin small: reconnecting with friends, repairing relationships, indulging in hobbies, or exploring new ones.
It might involve finding joy in your work again or seeking a different job. Maybe you want to move to a new house, city, or country, or revamp your current living space.
Yet, rebuilding isn’t solely about external changes. Sometimes, the most profound transformations occur within. Embracing a “new life” might mean feeling stronger, happier, or simply more authentically yourself once more.
Signs You Are Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Identifying your healing journey from narcissistic abuse is a deeply personal process. You’ll sense it within yourself when you begin to feel more at ease or regain a sense of your true self.
Nevertheless, there are certain signs that the effects of trauma are subsiding and that progress towards recovery is being made.
Recovery doesn’t imply erasing the past or eliminating all symptoms. It means you are able to navigate and thrive despite the trauma’s impact.
Understanding this distinction is crucial as it allows you to set realistic goals. Your life may not return to its former state, but perhaps that’s a positive shift. Through this experience, you’ll likely emerge wiser, stronger, and more determined than before.
Here are some of the signs you are healing from narcissistic abuse:
Emotional Balance
A sign you are beginning to heal is improved emotional balance. You experience fewer intense emotional fluctuations, with reduced feelings of anxiety, depression, or self-doubt. Your post-traumatic symptoms start to subside – the flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts decrease or disappear.
You do not feel as emotionally numb or detached. Instead, you are able to rediscover the joy in activities, hobbies, or relationships that were previously overshadowed by the abuse.
This does not mean you never experience difficult moments and emotions, but these experiences no longer impair your ability to function.
Cognitive Recovery
Abusive relationships tend to affect your cognitive abilities, such as your concentration, memory, and thought processes. When you are beginning to heal, your fight/flight response starts to function normally again.
This means the activity of your prefrontal cortex – which is responsible for cognitive functions – can also return to normal.
Your concentration and memory will improve, you will begin to experience more clarity, and you will start to appreciate the joys in life again. Your sense of reality and self will also become stronger and more insightful.
Physical Recovery
Abuse can penetrate deep into your mind and body. When you are healing, the physical symptoms start to subside.
For example, any pains, aches, stiffness, gastrointestinal problems, or anxiety symptoms (e.g., heart racing, breathing difficulties) will lessen.
You will likely sleep better, have a normal appetite, and experience higher energy levels.
Not Wanting Them Back
Abuse can often last for so long because the victim forms a complex bond with their abuser.
Thus, when you see them for who they are and truly do not want them back in your life, you have come a long way in your recovery.
Less preoccupation with thoughts of the abuser or the past relationship, allowing for more attention to the present and future, is a sign of healing.
Acceptance of the Truth
When you have healed your wounds and escaped this trauma bond, you will see much more clearly that what you experienced was not love.
You will come to terms with the fact that they did not truly love you, but rather they were using you to satisfy their narcissistic needs.
Firm Boundaries
An important part of recovery is to understand what your boundaries are, how they were violated, and how you can establish and maintain your boundaries going forward.
Establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries in relationships and respecting your own needs and limits are two key indicators of growth.
Another sign is if you begin to prioritize self-care practices, nurturing your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Compassion for Yourself
Letting go of feelings of guilt or self-blame, moving towards forgiveness for yourself and the past experiences, is a foundational component of the healing journey.
You begin to gain a deeper understanding of the abuse’s impact, recognize manipulative behaviors, and trusting your instincts more.
Getting Your Power Back
Abusers aim to steal your power. When you are healing, you are feeling more empowered and in control of your life choices, gaining confidence in decision-making.
You no longer want to hide away or disappear, but rather you feel glad to be alive and want to make the best of your life.
Trust
Gradually rebuilding trust in yourself and others and fostering healthier connections and relationships are an important part of the recovery process.
You pay begin to pay closer attention to people’s language and behavior and become better at recognizing red flags.
However, you also no longer believe that “everyone is bad” and “no one can be trusted” – instead, you allow yourself to feel happy and be loved.
Julia Simkus edited this article.
Sources
Czerny, A. & Lassiter, P. & Lim, J. H. (2018). Post-Abuse Boundary Renegotiation: Healing and Reclaiming Self After Intimate Partner Violence. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 40, 211-225.
Fraser, R. (2019). How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse: Your Five Step Strategy to Recover the True You. https://ebook.roniafraser.com/howtohealfromnarcissisticabuse
