Workplace love languages refer to ways employees feel appreciated and valued at work. They include words of affirmation (praise and positive feedback), acts of service (helping with tasks), tangible gifts (bonuses or tokens of appreciation), quality time (one-on-one meetings or mentorship), and physical touch (appropriate gestures like a pat on the back or handshake). Recognizing these can enhance team cohesion and morale.
The five love languages is a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, a psychologist-anthropologist and the author of the book “The Five Love Languages,” published in 1992.
This framework focuses on how people best receive and express love and attempts to categorize individuals based on these preferences (Chapman, 1992).
The five languages that people can use to build more meaningful connections are:
Dr. Chapman has argued that each person has a primary love language, which is the main way they prefer to show and receive love. It is rather common, though, for people to have two main love languages that make up their portfolio of desired actions.
By using this tool to identify where you lie on the spectrum, you can then gain a deeper insight into yourself and how you feel the most cherished and seen in relationships.
Subsequently, this can benefit your overall interactions with people, help you find like-minded partners, and acts as a helpful structure for you to articulate your wants and needs.
Love languages are not solely focused on romantic relationships but can be incorporated into anything from friendships to family and even workplace professional relationships.
They are also not gender or age-specific (Chapman & Campbell, 2008); anyone can have a preference or disinclination for it, which can also change over time as it is not a rigid concept.
How to know your work love language
One of the easiest ways to determine your work love language is by taking the free quiz developed by Dr. Chapman himself (available on the five love language website).
It will ask you a series of questions to help you reflect on your preferences and what is most meaningful to you.
People can have different love language needs for different relationships. For example, from your partner, you may feel the most loved through acts of physical affection, but with your work colleagues, you may feel the most appreciated through words of affirmation and positive feedback.
So when trying to identify your work love language, it can be useful to go back to the drawing board.
Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself to figure out your workplace love language:
- What makes me feel the most appreciated in the workplace?
- What type of gestures from colleagues or managers means the most to me?
- When do I feel the least valued at work?
- How do I show appreciation to my team?
Many people unconsciously use their preferred love language at work to showcase their appreciation of someone, as that is how expressing care comes the most naturally to them. Hence, by reflecting on your actions and behaviors, you may be able to identify your love language through this method.
For example, your love language at work may be words of affirmation. Subsequently, you may be one of the first to congratulate someone on an achievement or thank them if they did something nice for you.
Similarly, another point you can reflect on is what you find the most disappointing or hurtful in other people’s display of love towards you.
For example, if you were someone that has quality time as a love language, then it would be extra hurtful for you if you are trying to spend time with your colleague during your lunch break, but they do not seem to be listening attentively and are preoccupied with their phone.
How can you know the workplace love language of your employees?
As a manager or employer, it is also important for you to identify your employee’s workplace love language to ensure you are delivering praise in a way each person will receive the best.
Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself to help identify your team’s workplace love languages:
1. How does this person treat others?
2. How do they communicate with others?
3. What are their biggest complaints?
4. What do they request most often?
5. Which type of recognition do they usually respond to the most positively?
6. What type of feedback do they seem to value the most?
These questions could be posed during 1:1 meetings or supervision times. Using active listening, you can then better understand your employee, identify their preferred management style, and how they like to be appreciated at work.
How to use love languages in the workplace
Using love languages in the workplace can be a wonderful way to lift your colleagues, boost morale, and showcase your care and appreciation for your team.
If you would like to start incorporating love languages in your workplace but are unsure as to how, here are some examples for each one.
How to use words of affirmation in the workplace
Words of affirmation in the workplace are all about expressing your appreciation either in writing or verbally to give feedback and boost confidence.
In the workplace, from both an employer and colleague perspective, you can start by focusing on specific things the person did.
For example, if they presented well at a meeting, you can follow up and say, “You gave such a good presentation!”. This can also be done via email, messaging, or leaving a post-it note if you prefer instead.
The key is being direct and person-centered rather than giving generic compliments. This will help you come across as more sincere. Ensure you are timely with your words of affirmation as well so the compliments hold more weight.
How to use acts of service in the workplace
Acts of service in the workplace focuses on performing meaningful acts for people to help and assist them.
In the workplace, you can start by identifying any opportunities where your colleague or employee could use some help and take the initiative to assist.
This could be anything from offloading some of their workloads, redirecting them to other team members if you are their manager, answering queries, or helping them out with a specific task, e.g., printing.
You could also buy or make them a coffee as a sweet gesture of encouragement or even organize the workspace to make it a more pleasant environment to focus in.
The key to this love language is thinking in a “actions speak louder than words” mindset.
How to use receiving gifts in the workplace
Receiving gifts in the workplace includes workes who feel valued and cared for when someone gifts them something thoughtful.
In the workplace, you can start with small personalized items such as a card, flowers, or a box of their favorite chocolate to congratulate them on any achievements or celebrations.
Someone with this love language may feel especially appreciated if they receive a bonus or pay increase.
A gift in the workplace could also be in the form of sending someone useful information, such as an article that can help them with their work.
If you are aware of any milestones in their career or special anniversaries, those will make great instances to use this love language.
The key to the gift does not have to mean it has monetary value. Rather, it is in the gesture that demonstrates you have taken time to consider their likes and chosen something special for them.
How to use quality time in the workplace
Quality time in the workplace emphasizes sharing meaningful moments with people and giving them your undivided, distraction-free attention.
In the workplace, an easy way to use this love language is during lunch breaks or coffee breaks. For larger teams, a group outing or team-building exercises can also be an excellent way to open up quality time to a wider number of people.
If you would like and are comfortable doing so, you can invite team members to any after-work events or dinners as well.
Lastly, as an employer, having a regular and consistent presence in the office is key. This can help you have easier check-ins with your team and be overall more accessible to your employees.
Distance and being harder to reach can have the opposite effect and hurt morale and work satisfaction.
How to use physical touch in the workplace
Physical touch as a workplace love language involves workers who feel seen and valued through acts of physical affection.
One of the simplest ways is during greetings or goodbyes, where you can offer a hug or handshake. Any touches on the upper arm or back can also be welcomed, especially if your colleague has had a stressful day, or a high five if they have just accomplished something.
In the workplace, you can certainly incorporate this love language, but you must always check beforehand with colleagues to ensure they are comfortable. Withdraw if you notice any body language of unease or discomfort.
If your workplace is multicultural, consider individual differences as well, as some cultures are more open to physical touches while others are more refrained.
Why are love languages important in the workplace?
Love languages can be the foundation for fostering better communication, strengthening connections, promoting empathy, and boosting understanding between colleagues and wider teams, making them important in the workplace.
Through this mutual understanding of each other’s workplace love languages, people can then begin to work more effectively in a space they feel heard, valued, and supported.
Similarly, love languages can help by reducing instances of friction between people, misunderstandings, workplace conflicts, and overall toxic work environments.
Let us take, as an example, someone who values quality time but is in a remote working environment. They may seem more depleted, distressed, or unsatisfied due to this lack of connection with others, but this can easily be misconstrued as dissatisfaction with the job role instead.
However, if their love language was known, actions could be taken to mitigate such as organizing virtual coffee times with the team or even an in-person get-together.
Why are love languages important for colleagues?
In the modern workplace, your colleagues are people that you end up spending a lot of time with during your adult years (Ortiz-Ospina, 2020).
This can even exceed the time spent with family, spouses, and friends. Thus, knowing how to function harmoniously and in unity is paramount for a healthy and productive environment to operate in.
Chapman, in his book “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People” (Chapman & White, 2019), emphasizes the importance of feeling valued and appreciated in job satisfaction, with authenticity being a key driving force.
By tailoring your approach to what will make your colleagues feel the most seen and understood, you can better express your appreciation for them in a manner they best receive.
Why are love languages important for employers?
If you are a manager or leader or perform any form of supervision as part of your role, knowing your team’s workplace love language can give you hints as to how to provide support and feedback best.
Employees can be diverse in their preferred ways of receiving positive work affirmations. By identifying each person’s preferred way of receiving praise and what makes them feel valued, you can then tailor your approach accordingly and ensure your praise is delivered in the manner they receive best.
Similarly, if you do not know how your employees want to feel appreciated in their workplace, important needs may be accidentally neglected.
Consequently, this could lead to feelings of being underappreciated, lower workplace satisfaction, higher turnover, and misdirected or counterproductive efforts from the manager when trying to engage with team members.
Research has also indicated increased performance and motivation when intrinsic rewards are given, such as recognition and appreciation (Shahzadi, Javed, Pirzada, Nasreen & Khanam, 2014).
As a consequence, this can help boost engagement, team loyalty, and workplace satisfaction. Thus, using workplace love languages can help you generate a positive and supportive work environment.
Employer Considerations
As an employer, there are a few things you should account for when considering workplace love languages.
Do not treat love languages as a tickbox exercise; this should instead stem from a genuine place of wanting to motivate your team.
Consistency is also important, so do not just incorporate positive praise only during significant events, but aim to make it a part of the team’s culture instead.
Lastly, ensure you are inclusive and respectful of employees’ personal and/or cultural preferences when it comes to workplace love languages. This can help create a more inclusive and respectful environment.
References
Chapman, G. D. (1992). The five love languages. Northfield Pub.
Chapman, G., & Campbell, R. (2008). The five love languages of children. Moody Publishers.
Chapman, G., & White, P. (2019). The 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace: Empowering organizations by encouraging people. Moody Publishers.
E. Ortiz-Ospina (2020, December 11). Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? Our World in Data. https://ourworldindata.org/time-with-others-lifetime
Shahzadi, I., Javed, A., Pirzada, S. S., Nasreen, S., & Khanam, F. (2014). Impact of employee motivation on employee performance. European Journal of Business and Management, 6(23), 159-166.
