While every autistic person is unique, there are some common characteristics that may impact their social experiences. These can include differences in processing and expressing verbal and nonverbal communication, challenges in understanding and adhering to unwritten social norms, and sensory processing differences that can affect comfort levels in various social settings.
Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that can impact how a person communicates and interacts with others.
According to the diagnostic criteria (DSM-5), autistic individuals may display differences in social communication and interaction.
As a result, autistic individuals may find it difficult to initiate and maintain social connections despite often having the desire to form meaningful relationships.
As an autistic person myself, I have firsthand experience navigating the complexities of social interaction and communication, which I will share throughout this article.
It is crucial to recognize that these signs of social and communication differences do not diminish an autistic person’s humanity or their need for social acceptance and understanding.
By exploring the diverse ways in which autism can influence social interaction, we can work towards creating a more inclusive society that values and supports neurodiversity.
Misunderstanding social cues
Autistic individuals may have difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, which are essential for understanding social interactions.
This can lead to challenges in recognizing social contexts and responding appropriately.
For example, while I use sarcasm and jokes myself, there have been times where I have not always picked up on this in others unless it was obvious.
I have often had people tell me ‘Oh, it was a joke’ when they have told me something that I took seriously because their tone of voice and body language did not make it obvious that they were joking.
Autistic people may also not pick up on subtle hints, such as when others are hinting that they want to end a conversation.
I can also find it frustrating when people use passive-aggressive language because they are not saying what they mean, which can make it difficult to guess how to respond.
It’s important to note that these differences do not reflect a lack of interest in others or a desire to connect socially.
Often, we do want to understand people and value others who are direct and honest in their communication.
Difficulty with back-and-forth conversation
Autistic individuals may struggle with initiating and maintaining reciprocal conversations. They might have difficulty knowing when to take turns or how to keep a conversation flowing.
Some may dominate conversations by extensively discussing their interests, while others provide limited responses.
For example, an autistic person might give a lengthy monologue about a favorite topic without noticing the listener’s desire to contribute or change the subject.
Or, they may give very direct, one-word answers without elaboration. This may come across as unintentionally blunt or rude, which can impact the impression made on others.
Disinterested in small talk
Autistic individuals often find small talk, or casual conversation about everyday topics, uninteresting or challenging to engage in.
They may see it as pointless or struggle to understand the hidden social rules and expectations around small talk.
Instead, autistic individuals tend to prefer conversations that are direct, purposeful, and centered around their specific interests.
Although I engage in small talk because I know it is socially expected, I would much prefer to dive into an in-depth discussion about topics I or the other person is passionate about, such as favorite books or a scientific topic. I enjoy being able to share what I love, but I also love seeing other people talk about things they care a lot about.
This disinterest in small talk should not be misinterpreted as rudeness or a lack of desire to connect with others but rather a reflection of different communication preferences and styles.
Nonverbal communication differences
Autistic individuals may exhibit differences in nonverbal communication, such as atypical eye contact, limited or unusual facial expressions, and difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues from others.
Some autistic people may avoid eye contact altogether, while others may maintain intense, prolonged eye contact.
They may show fewer facial expressions or use expressions that don’t typically match the social context. Gestures may be limited or appear awkward.
It doesn’t always feel natural for me to show facial expressions despite feeling deep emotions. For instance, if someone tells me something shocking, I will feel shocked, but showing this on my face might make me feel like I am faking an expression to please the other person.
It’s important to remember that these differences in nonverbal communication do not reflect a lack of interest or engagement but rather a unique way of interacting with others.
Friendship difficulties
Autistic individuals may struggle to form and sustain friendships due to social challenges. Initiating social interactions or maintaining long-term relationships can be difficult.
Some may prefer solitude, while others want friendships but struggle due to communication differences.
For example, an autistic child might not know how to join a playground game, leading to isolation despite a desire for connection.
These struggles can impact self-esteem and mental health, but it’s important to recognize that autistic people can form meaningful friendships with understanding and accommodations.
I tend to be drawn to other people who are neurodivergent because our communication styles and needs tend to align.
I have found it easier to be friends with people where there is no expectation to chat every day, and if I need to be alone for days or weeks at a time, they are understanding of that, as I would be for them.
People-pleasing tendencies
Autistic individuals may engage in people pleasing behaviors as a way to navigate social interactions and gain acceptance from others.
They might go along with activities they don’t enjoy, agree with opinions they don’t share, or suppress their own needs and preferences to avoid conflict or rejection.
This can be a learned coping strategy to fit in and compensate for social challenges.
For example, an autistic teenager might laugh at jokes they don’t find funny, pretend to be interested in topics they find boring, or accept invitations to overwhelming social events to be seen as “normal” and likeable.
While these behaviors may temporarily ease social situations, they can lead to stress, burnout, and a lack of authentic connections.
Compensatory strategies
Many autistic individuals develop compensatory strategies or engage in camouflaging to navigate social interactions and fit in with neurotypical peers.
They may create scripts or rehearse social scenarios in advance to feel more prepared for conversations. Some autistic people, especially females, may mimic social behaviors they observe in others to blend in, such as copying facial expressions, gestures, or tone of voice.
Growing up, I observed the social behavior of others and learned what was socially acceptable or unacceptable.
For example, I would learn how to engage in small talk, how to have back-and-forth conversations, and what facial expressions I should use (all the social behaviors that may not come naturally to autistic people).
I would then copy these behaviors to try to make friends or to be ‘better’ in social situations.
While these strategies can help autistic individuals navigate social situations, they can also lead to feelings of inauthenticity and burnout from constantly masking their true selves.
Differences in Understanding Others
Autistic individuals may experience challenges in understanding others’ perspectives, intentions, and emotions, a concept known as Theory of Mind.
They may have difficulty recognizing that other people’s thoughts, beliefs, and knowledge can differ from their own. This can lead to misunderstandings in social interactions, as they may assume others share their context or understanding of a topic.
Autistic individuals may also struggle to interpret and respond appropriately to others’ emotional states, which can be mistaken for a lack of empathy.
This can relate back to the idea that displaying certain facial expressions may not feel natural to some autistic people despite them genuinely feeling empathetic.
However, it is important to recognize that these differences do not imply a lack of caring or concern for others. Many autistic individuals do experience empathy but may express it in unconventional ways.
Impact of Sensory Sensitivities
Autistic individuals often experience heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, which can significantly impact their social interactions.
Sensory overload in social situations, such as loud noises, bright lights, or crowded spaces, can cause distress and lead to avoidance or withdrawal.
This may be misinterpreted as a lack of interest in socializing or engaging with others. It may also be confused with social anxiety or result in actual social anxiety.
Difficulty filtering out background noise or visual distractions is something that I find challenging when trying to focus on and participate in group conversations.
This can be especially difficult when there are multiple conversations going on and overlapping chatter. This often results in me becoming quiet and wanting to leave.
These sensory sensitivities can create barriers to social connection and inclusion, as autistic individuals may require accommodations or understanding from others to feel comfortable in social settings.
It is crucial to recognize that sensory sensitivities are not a choice but a fundamental aspect of an autistic person’s experience.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
Skuse, D., Greaves-Lord, K., Rodrigues da Cunha, G., & Baird, G. (2024). Autism spectrum disorder. In G. M. Reed, P. L. -J. Ritchie, A. Maercker, & T. J. Rebello (Eds.), A psychological approach to diagnosis: Using the ICD-11 as a framework (pp. 61–77). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000392-004
Other resources
- How To Get An Autism Assessment: NHS
- Guidance from The National Autistic Society
- National Institute Of Mental Health: Autism Spectrum Disorder
