Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual repeatedly re-enacts a traumatic event or its circumstances, seemingly in an attempt to master, heal, or understand the event, even though it may result in harm. It’s a concept rooted in Freudian psychoanalysis, suggesting that people are “compelled” to repeat past behaviors or events.
This can manifest in various ways, such as repeatedly seeking out abusive relationships or engaging in self-destructive behaviors.
While repetition compulsion may temporarily alleviate anxiety or distress, it ultimately hinders therapeutic progress and can perpetuate cycles of trauma.
Trauma is a universal experience, and it can be defined as the gap between an external threat and one’s inner resources to deal with it. At any time that a person is overwhelmed by fear or hopelessness, they have experienced such an event.
Humans tend to seek comfort in what is familiar to them. Sigmund Freud called this repetition compulsion which he defined as ‘the desire to return to an earlier state of things.’
Freud held the view that a person’s inability to discuss or remember past traumatic events might lead them to repeat these traumas compulsively.
Repetition compulsion can involve people continuously putting themselves in a situation they know is not healthy, perhaps without even realizing that they are repeating their past traumas.
These actions are most apparent in the types of relationships people engage in, particularly dysfunctional ones.
Despite knowing that relationships are destructive, we may continue demonstrating patterns of these types of relationships. We may be trying to ‘fix’ what happened in the past by recreating the trauma with new relationships, with some arguing that we have an innate desire to complete something which has already begun.
Examples
Repetition compulsion can occur in many situations, often when there is a trauma that keeps being repeated. Some examples of repetition compulsion include:
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Someone who has experienced abuse as a child goes on to have abusive adult relationships.
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Someone who experienced violence in their childhood is more likely to become a perpetrator of violence later in life.
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Someone with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has recurring dreams of the traumatic experience.
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Someone who has an emotionally distant parent or caregiver goes on to have adult relationships with people who are also emotionally distant.
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When feeling anxious, an individual turns to their favorite movie or TV show and watches it repeatedly.
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After being the victim of a crime, someone may seek out horror movies or watch a lot of crime documentaries to re-experience similar feelings.
Why is change hard?
Repetition compulsion is just that, a compulsion. When we repeat the past, we are not doing it on purpose, rather, it is a learned response to what we already know.
People almost feel compelled to return to a person or situation which recreates their past trauma. There are several explanations as to why people find change so hard. Some possible explanations include the following:
Familiarity of chaos
Individuals may find change hard because they are so familiar with the chaos that they see this as normal.
As a child, humans absorb what is presented to them. If a child is brought up in a chaotic household, experiencing a parent with narcissistic tendencies, or frequently observing abuse, they may have no reason to believe that this environment is not normal.
At that time in their lives, the child has no way of comparison to what they experience. Thus, when they are older, they may be suspicious of having a relationship with someone who is not a reflection of their chaotic upbringing.
Inflexible defenses
People may have a rigid way of protecting themselves against the experience of repeating their trauma. They believe there is no point in trying to stop it and that this is just ‘the way things are.’
However, this way of thinking can unintentionally result in the re-enactment occurring anyway. If they were more consciously trying to stop the re-enactment, then they may have more luck with stopping the cycle.
Creatures of habit
As humans, we tend to seek comfort in what is familiar and predictable. Sometimes we revert to familiarity because the outcome is predictable, and even healthy change is scary.
Someone experiencing repetition compulsion might believe that new experiences will be more painful than their present situation. New experiences are too new and untested, so it often feels safer to return to what we know.
Emotional dysregulation
Someone may find change difficult if they have poorly regulated emotional reactions in response to negative stimuli. A parent or caregiver may have shut down a child when they got upset and did not comfort them.
When the child grows up, they may have internalized that they deserve to be mistreated and that there is no reason for them to be upset.
Someone with poorly regulated emotional reactions may be very sensitive to criticism and interpret this as harsh and respond in a hostile way.
Without tackling emotional dysregulation, people can be stuck in repetitive emotional cycles.
A need to recreate history
It can be hard to change when we need to recreate history. Those who seek out familiar relationships may try to recreate what happened to them during a traumatic event as a way to change the outcome and thereby gain mastery over what couldn’t be controlled as a child.
For instance, someone may continue to be in familiar, intimate relationships with the hope that they can ‘get it right’ this time around.
They may think that if they act nicer, perform better, or use the right words, their partner will not abuse them. The need to recreate history can therefore make it difficult to make a change.
‘The idea is that the childhood wounds that are the subconscious programming from childhood is going to be replayed in an attempt by the individual to gain mastery over their experience because ultimately in childhood there was a certain level of helplessness.’
Yitz Epstein, Narcissistic Abuse and Relationship Life Coach
Trauma is not remembered
There is some evidence to suggest that to cope with a traumatic event, our brains may block our capacity to remember it.
This might happen through dissociation, which occurs at the moment that the trauma occurs. Dissociation happens when a person disconnects from their thoughts or feelings in a moment.
Likewise, the brain may block our capacity to remember after the event through a type of amnesia.
These mental escapes can inhibit our ability to identify similar threats in the future, making it more likely they will happen again.
Impact of Repetition Compulsion
Re-victimization
Due to the trauma in earlier life, repetition compulsion may make someone more likely to re-victimize themselves later in life.
For instance, if a child was a victim of abuse, they may be more likely to end up in situations where they are faced with abuse again as adults.
The need to get it right means that these individuals tend to gravitate towards relationships and circumstances that mimic the ones where they don’t feel love and acceptance.
When the relationship goes wrong, they are more likely to feel abandoned and at fault again.
No resolution
If patterns are continuously repeated without being addressed, the underlying issues may never be resolved.
While it may seem as if someone is healing and has grown, in reality, they may find themselves in a position where their current anxieties become overwhelming. So, they regress into those repetitive compulsions because they are familiar and comforting.
Re-opens emotional wounds
The reasoning with many people is that if they stay in re-traumatizing relationships, they will eventually get it ‘right’ and receive the love and acceptance they need. However, emotional wounds will continue to re-open as the relationship fails, causing more pain.
If someone continues to believe they will find the correct way to please someone, they are refusing to acknowledge that their emotional wounds are keeping them from finding peace.
Self-destructive behaviors
Many people who experienced trauma as children tend to take their hurt and anger out on themselves. These behaviors include self-harming, drug and alcohol abuse, and eating disorders.
Sometimes, people will re-enact violence that was done to them as a child as a way of dealing with past hurts. Therefore, they are perpetuating their victimhood onto others and continuing the cycle.
Low self-esteem
Experiencing trauma can diminish a person’s self-esteem and self-worth. They may believe that they deserve to be mistreated and that it is somehow deserved.
A child may rationalize that being placed in foster care was something they deserved rather than a necessity for their safety.
These internalized beliefs can damage self-esteem and can result in self-sabotaging behaviors later in life.
How can repetition compulsions affect your relationship?
Below are some relationship patterns that someone who has repetition compulsion may engage in:
Seeking the wrong person
Repetition compulsion can mean that someone seeks out relationships with people who are not good for them. They may always attract the same type of person and be confused as to why this keeps happening.
They may enter into relationships with toxic people, narcissists, someone who wants to control them, abusive people, or someone who victimizes them. They may attract someone who is emotionally unavailable or only gives very minimal amounts of love when it suits them.
Detachment
Detachment is a coping mechanism that can be used by someone who experienced abuse as a child. This refers to a person’s inability to fully engage with their feelings or the feelings of others.
A child who learns to detach themselves as a form of protection is likely to continue to use this coping mechanism as an adult.
Seeking what is familiar
People often seek the comfort of familiarity. It is what they know, and it seems safer than trying something different which has not been tested.
For example, someone who has a distant parent may seek a partner who has a distant personality.
Even if they are unhappy in this relationship and do not like that their partner is distant, they may see this as normal for a partner and will continue to find similar people.
Self-hatred
After experiencing an early trauma, individuals can feel a lot of self-hatred, feeling as if they somehow deserved the mistreatment.
As they age, they may be more likely to attract others who mistreat them, reaffirming their negative self-beliefs.
Hostile behavior
If someone was abused or neglected as a child, they have a lot of built-up feelings of anger about the situation. As a result, they may become unable to control their anger as adults.
They may become excessively angry, even in response to mild inconveniences, and they could become violent to others as an unhealthy way to take out their anger on somebody.
Managing repetition compulsions
If you find that you get stuck in repetitive compulsions, some things can be done to help manage them.
Address the past
Part of the process of managing repetition compulsion is to work on addressing past trauma. Acknowledge what happened in the past and make a conscious choice not to allow those hurts to impact your future decisions and relationships.
Understand that the patterns you are repeating were not put there by you – these were obtained from somebody else at a time when you were likely more susceptible.
It is important to understand that the pattern will not be healed by the person who caused the trauma – it is down to you to heal.
It is helpful to understand that you have value, no matter what trauma you have experienced in the past. You also deserve close relationships which are healthy and supportive.
Address coping mechanisms
To be able to heal from the trauma, you will also have to address any unhealthy coping mechanisms or negative behaviors that you engage in.
Some defense mechanisms are traditionally used to protect against feelings of traumatic overwhelm and can include substance abuse, self-injury, and violence against others.
Accept that history cannot be rewritten
A main reason for repetitive compulsions is the need to rewrite the past. It must be accepted that history cannot be rewritten and that you can only ensure you find someone who is supportive and breaks the cycle.
Sometimes you must accept that some people will not change no matter what you do. People who cause trauma will likely need professional help, and this is not something you should carry as a burden for yourself. You cannot be expected to help someone abusive.
Consider therapy
Therapy aims to break the pattern of repetition. The trauma and dysfunction a person has experienced influence the course and pace of therapy.
Gaining control over your current life, rather than repeating trauma, is the primary goal of therapy.
In therapy, you can share your story in a safe place with someone non-judgemental. The therapist will help you to analyze what happened and how it has affected you.
As well as individual therapy, group sessions can be used to generate feelings of acceptance and experience social support, especially from others who may have gone through similar trauma.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) are popular types of psychotherapy that are effective for reshaping thought patterns that lead to unhealthy behavior.
These types of therapies focus on being aware of any cognitive distortions, negative self-talk, and core beliefs one may have and the unhelpful behaviors that occur as a result.
Once these negative thoughts and behaviors have been established, the client can work with the therapist to challenge and restructure these into more positive, healthier thoughts and behaviors.
The therapist can teach the client how your triggers are causing your negative repetitive behaviors, and they can help you form more positive repetitive behaviors.
As maladaptive thought patterns, habits, and repetitive choices can take years to develop, it will also take some time to reshape them into something healthier.
Psychodynamic therapy is a type of psychotherapy that involves exploring a person’s past traumatic relationships and experiences, intending to identify how and why they are re-enacting a trauma.
Psychodynamic therapy can be helpful for a person to understand the unconscious forces that drive their behavior.
This may involve looking at unresolved conflicts and past relationships that may be causing repetition compulsion.
Self-regulation
Below are some self-regulation techniques that can be used to manage repetitive compulsions:
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Deep breathing
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Positive visualisation
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Yoga
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Journaling
These can all help to control the central nervous system’s arousal response. Through self-regulation, you should better understand what is going on around you and focus on what it is you want and need.
These are also methods to externalize any uncomfortable feelings in a healthy way rather than engaging in repetitive compulsions.
Frequently Asked Questions
How does repetition compulsion relate to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?
While PTSD is common in people who fought in a war, it is also very common for people who experienced any type of abuse in life.
Someone with PTSD may experience repetition compulsion in the form of recurring dreams involving the traumatic event, or they may be preoccupied with the initial trauma and feel unable to move on.
Because of this, they may unintentionally put themselves in situations that trigger their PTSD symptoms, involving being in abusive relationships which mimic their initial trauma.
If someone finds themselves continually seeking triggering situations, they may be stuck in a loop of creating and repeating their own trauma.
How does cheating relate to repetition compulsion?
Infidelity can relate to repetition compulsion in a couple of ways. If a child experiences one or more of their parents cheating on the other, they may believe this behavior is normal in relationships.
If they see these behaviors as normal, they might be more likely to accept their partner cheating or continuously be with people who cheat on them.
Alternatively, someone who has experienced infidelity in their parents, or has been cheated on themselves, might be more likely to cheat on their future partners.
This may be because they see cheating as normal, it is their way of dealing with this trauma, or it is a way to victimize someone else for the pain they have experienced in the past.
Can repetition compulsion relate to narcissistic relationships?
A narcissistic parent can cause a child to feel constant guilt and blame themselves for things that are not their fault.
If someone experienced narcissism in the form of a narcissistic parent as a child, they might be more likely to form relationships with other narcissists as an adult.
This could involve having friends, co-workers, bosses, and romantic partners who are narcissistic.
Someone may be more likely to excuse the toxic behavior of the narcissist and feel compelled to try to ‘fix’ them. Trying to fix a current narcissist could be a way to rewrite the past with their narcissistic parent.
However, this is unlikely to happen and can make the individual re-traumatized and feel more guilty and at fault, thus continuing and strengthening the compulsion.
References
Bowins, B. (2010). Repetitive maladaptive behavior: Beyond repetition compulsion. The American Journal of Psychoanalysis, 70 (3), 282-298.
Chu, J. A. (1991). The repetition compulsion revisited: Reliving dissociated trauma. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 28 (2), 327.
Epstein, Y. (Host). (2019, August). Repetition Compulsion [Audio podcast episode]. Narcissism Recovery Podcast.
Freud, S. (1962). The aetiology of hysteria. In The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume III (1893-1899): Early Psycho-Analytic Publications (pp. 187-221).
Van der Kolk, B. A. (1989). The compulsion to repeat the trauma: Re-enactment, revictimization, and masochism. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 12 (2), 389-411.
