Archive for October, 2011

{photo credit: ann torrence}

I was not one of those girls who had my entire wedding planned out before the age of 18. I actually hadn’t really thought much about my wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I had definitely thought about other things- like how I wanted to decorate my living room or where I dreamed of spending my honeymoon and how many kids I wanted, but not my wedding. And I certainly never really imagined or thought about being engaged. I think when you’re single throughout most of your twenties you kind of assume that engagement is what what happens to other people, not you.

engagement is a lot of..

There is a lot about being engaged that I had never really thought about. I think engagement takes a lot of work. A lot of conversations. A lot of expectations. And a lot of time unpacking those expectations. Your own. Your fiances’. And your families’. There’s a lot of room for miscommunication. Big arguments about small things. Fun dreams and crazy ideas.  A lot of asking what other people want. And a lot of compromising. A lot to look forward to. And simply, just a lot to do.

And remember all of that begins and ends somewhere between “will you marry me?” and “I do.”

Believe me. I am by no means complaining. Engagement is wonderful and exciting, slightly stressful and overwhelming, but its’ not all consuming. Engagement is a season. And I am firm believer that planning a wedding is important, but planning a marriage is so much more significant.

{almost} anti-wedding blogs

I have shied away from too many wedding blogs because they simply overwhelm me and cause me to compare everything and anything. However, there is one that I can’t resist. Let me introduce you to: A Practical Wedding {APW}. Their philosophy is refreshing, wise and straight out helpful:

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• Weddings can be laid back, and fun. No really.
• Your wedding should be about celebration and joy, not about a bunch of made up “shoulds.”
• A wedding is serious vows, followed by a party to kick off your marriage… and it’s your marriage that’s important.
• Your wedding day is not just your day, it’s the day of everyone who loves you. That said, it is your wedding, so plan accordingly.
• Your wedding guests are grownups. So stop worrying if they need to be driven to the venue, and start worrying about feeding them on time.
• Your wedding is not an imposition.
• What people are going to remember about your wedding is how happy you were and how much you loved each other, not the centerpieces or the d*mned favors. Also, you don’t need favors.
• Your wedding doesn’t have to be blog-worthy. And if you’re feeling like it should be, maybe it’s time to lay off the blogs a little. {amen!}
• You feel how you feel during wedding planning and on your wedding day, and you should do your best to honor that (even if it’s not what you expected).
• How you spend your money is more important than how much you spend. So put your wedding dollars into businesses that reflect your values, and stop judging yourself.
• If you realize you don’t want your relationship to have a forever home, call off your wedding. It’s easier to call off a wedding than a marriage, and when you say yes to what is right for you, there is so much joy to follow.
• You can get married at home, you can elope, you can have a picnic wedding, you can have a wedding in a social hall, you can have a church wedding, you can have a hotel wedding, you can have a huge wedding, you can have a tiny wedding, you can have whatever kind of wedding feels right to you and your partner… and do it with integrity and honesty and respect.
• If you end up married, to each other, by the end of the day? Then it was was a success (even if you hated your wedding).
• And the best part? Married Life is what you make it. Being a wife doesn’t mean being a martyr or being a mom. You can be self-full, and sassy, and brave. Adventure on, ladies, and reclaim the word wife!

See, why I like it. Really, you should check it out. 

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32 days ’till “i do”

One of the best quotes I’ve read about marriage is:

“marriage is an unconditioned commitment to an imperfect person”

and maybe that’s what engagement prepares you for. It forces you to ask, am I ready and willing to commit forever, unconditionally to do life with this other person, a person as imperfect as me?

I am counting down the days until I get to say “yes.” On November 20th I get to marry my best friend. He is definitely not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

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For the past few months mine and Gerber’s conversations have gone something like this:

 “hey, did you get a copy of the title of the house?

-oh, yeah in October

 “Hun, we still need to scan and email the lawyer our birth certificates.”

-ok, in October

“Mi amor, we still need to reserve the band, right?

- yep, in October

 “We need to plan for the groups that are coming in January.”

-ok, in October

“Can you send that email to our supporters?

- sure, in October

Do you notice a trend?

 Apparently October is a big month for us. We have made big and lofty plans to be productive, efficient and basically, get everything done.

in. October.

And why, not? October seems like a perfectly acceptable month do tackle wedding planning, legal and visa issues, final exams, school graduations, upcoming travel plans, and ministry projects for next year. Did I mention that it’s already October 8^th?

Stay tuned for end of the year graduation photos, a shrinking to-do list, plans for next year and reflections on what they don’t tell you about engagement.

happy {rainy} saturday afternoon!